Y.A.W.N.

Drunk with my blood - and I don't even drink.
Damn mosquitoes. Little buh-loody vampires what fly around and buzz you awake - AFTER feeding on your precious blood. Why can't they just feed and then go away. Why do they have to wake you up after feeding so you scratch yourself. Truly the epitome of rubbing salt into the wound.

I want my tiger balm now.

Anyway, failed to get to sleep until 2am last night. And so today, I have a sleep deficit and so my body has gone into emergency measures and is making me eat to store up fat, and also breaking down my muscles just because. Buh-loody sleep hormone thingies. Why do all things have to be connected? Why can't they just exist separately. Feh.

Not getting through the day's list very well I'm afraid - just one item so far, and that was to get my eyes checked out. They were poked and prodded, but fortunately, the good Dr. K put them to sleep - if only he'd put me to sleep for real - while the tested their bulgingness for glaucoma. Yes, some nasty yellow solution which suddenly made me lose all feeling in my eyes - and they suddenly drooped. Droopy eyes. Anyway, all is well with them. Normal, slight change in perception but nothing too bad. I didn't really have to change my glass - it's a luxury according to Dr. K - but well, I want to. So I have. And yeah, the scratchy jaundiced surface? Not much I can do about it except to protect it and prevent further damage. Need. Sunglasses.


Andy and my goal - red peace.
One will supersede the other eventually.
Conversations with the good CL have been fluttering back and forth. Back and forth, to and fro, here and there, and to what result? Who knows where. There's some profound thought in here somewhere, but I shall not ponder because pondering is exhausting and then you don't want to do anything about it.

My mantra for today is: One cannot be responsible for the thoughts and actions of others.

I like this. I can repeat it and eschew all responsibility for stuff done/said in my presence. And said enough times, I'll cease to feel guilty or care about the ethics/morality of what I'm obliged to do in the context of my social mores. It's a little bit scary doing nothing,  but hey it's also a bit exciting. I feel like I'm breaking out of the orbit what keeps me circling around the same old rut that I've been circling for a while now.



This is actually a white freesia - not a fig of my imagination.
I'm sleepy now. I need to listen to Andy, but he'd put me to sleep now and I can't go to bed right now. Must go register, must go persuade BK that what I want is the right thing to do - he'll fight it, but I'm sure he'll come round to my point of view - that or I'll hack into his new phone and cause all manner of havoc.

Hmm. Is that the real me speaking, or the lack of sleep what is causing havoc in my brain speaking? Maybe I'd better go speak with Andy before I push some red buttons - more red buttons?

A brief note to remind myself in years to come. CL is not a figment of my imagination. I'm absolutely sure of this in so much as one can be sure of anything. I guess I'll find out what supposition is capable of making one do in a few days time. Ah well. I shall have my own circle eventually. Two and counting. A few years ago, I would have thought this a sad state of affairs, but now I see that it's actually a highly efficient way of righting one's equilibrium. 

How urbane of me, even if I say so myself.

I hate being sleep deprived, but that's not much you can do but ride the day out until you fall asleep - tonight though, I'm not keeping the windows open to cut down on the damn mosquitoes. Bastards. Hate them.