|Drunk with my blood - and I don't even drink.|
I want my tiger balm now.
Anyway, failed to get to sleep until 2am last night. And so today, I have a sleep deficit and so my body has gone into emergency measures and is making me eat to store up fat, and also breaking down my muscles just because. Buh-loody sleep hormone thingies. Why do all things have to be connected? Why can't they just exist separately. Feh.
|Andy and my goal - red peace. |
One will supersede the other eventually.
My mantra for today is: One cannot be responsible for the thoughts and actions of others.
I like this. I can repeat it and eschew all responsibility for stuff done/said in my presence. And said enough times, I'll cease to feel guilty or care about the ethics/morality of what I'm obliged to do in the context of my social mores. It's a little bit scary doing nothing, but hey it's also a bit exciting. I feel like I'm breaking out of the orbit what keeps me circling around the same old rut that I've been circling for a while now.
|This is actually a white freesia - not a fig of my imagination.|
Hmm. Is that the real me speaking, or the lack of sleep what is causing havoc in my brain speaking? Maybe I'd better go speak with Andy before I push some red buttons - more red buttons?
A brief note to remind myself in years to come. CL is not a figment of my imagination. I'm absolutely sure of this in so much as one can be sure of anything. I guess I'll find out what supposition is capable of making one do in a few days time. Ah well. I shall have my own circle eventually. Two and counting. A few years ago, I would have thought this a sad state of affairs, but now I see that it's actually a highly efficient way of righting one's equilibrium.
How urbane of me, even if I say so myself.
I hate being sleep deprived, but that's not much you can do but ride the day out until you fall asleep - tonight though, I'm not keeping the windows open to cut down on the damn mosquitoes. Bastards. Hate them.