Bergamot

This time next year, I shall have bergamot on my patio. See if I don't. Nor do I mean a nice cup of Earl Grey Tea either - lo, it's been a while since I've had EGT. Must get some soon.

No more dumb lilies what don't behave unless they're in a round pot. Bloody divas. Still, it figures. All around me are behaving like divas, ass-holes, or wexters these days. As much as i listen to AP's advice, i can't help damning them all to hell. H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. Ya. Take that stupid people on buses, walking in front of me on pavements, weaving in and out of traffic in bikes so that drivers glare at me, drivers weaving around bikers so that bikers weave around them. It's a never ending circle of events. How to rompue it.

Today, I was almost incoherent with annoyance - wrong descriptor; it wasn't quite rage, nor anger, more like controlled disdain with a pinch of fury. Yes, much better. And why? Because people say things then they don't do what they say. Idiots. Then they're too cowardly to own up to it. Double Idiots. Then finally, they blame you for being too cowardly to own up to it. Fucking Triple Idiots. Die. And go straight to hell. Do not collect your bottle of organic, chilled coconut juice.

I am very dissatisfied with all that is within and without. Yes, yes, yes, I should take a page from Michael Smith's book (not the Nobel Prize winner) and come to terms with the fact that it's not the without that causes the problem. As always, it's the within and perhaps more to the point, keeping the within within rather than without.

But God, think of the drama that would be unleashed were I to actually say what I think without running it through my empathy filter. Feelings would be hurt. Perhaps they should.

Let's see. Some would be found arrogant and chippy, others (in no particular order), utterly passive, others unreliable, inconsistent (okay - we're all inconsistent, but this one is consistently inconsistent), blind to other viewpoints, bossy, needing a good whiff of febreeze (thank you Miranda), and yes - the worst ones - the passive bullies. Oh, mustn't forget the egotistical, and the what's her name? The one who dressed like a gypsy one halloween except she mistook harlot for gypsy. God I can't stand them. Yucky. Makes me want comfort food. And that's another thing. It doesn't matter what I eat these days. I'm hungry in minutes. Hunger is your friend. Hunger is your friend. Hunger is your friend.

Oh God, I have a bag of chips at work. Should I bike down and get them?

I wanted to punish myself by going to Ikea today. On the bus. From SFU. Fortunately I came to my senses at 41st and Oak and went into Crate and Barrel instead where I was thoroughly disgusted by the conspicuous consumption on display.

Then I made a pact with myself - I told myself that if I left right away, went home and finished Michael Smith's Book (CT was mentioned at least 5 times in it), then I could go to the local Vietnamese restaurant and order #38, and hantam saja when I get home. And not feel guilty about the quantity (Lord knows one couldn't feel guilty about the quality), nor the styrofoam box which I fully intend to throw into the back of the alley to join the rest of the crap that the human debris creator next door stores behind his shop. Truly it's hoarding gone absolutely insane. He's filled up his container and now the shit is piling up beside the container. I bet he was the one who stole my worm boxes. Asswipe.

So here I am, picking sesame seeds out from between my teeth. If there's one thing off about #38, it's the amount of sesame seeds on the slices of meat. Must. Not. Wonder. About. The. Fate. Of. The. Chicken. It was delicious and were another at hand, I would consume it immediatement.

I want so badly to win one of those $3000.00 Home Depot Cards. I must go buy more stuff and then enter the surveys. I've become quite the master of them. Lately, I've not had to pay for show nor apps on Google Play because I keep getting asked for my professional opinion - and when you have a professional opinion as opposed to a commonplace opinion, you get paid. It may only be a few shekels here and there, but they add up to a bushel then I can watch yet another episode of iZombie.

Premonitions. Tonight I have premonitions that bad things are going to happen. Hopefully, it's only fatigue (insufficient sleep last night) speaking. "Listen to your inner being, AP says, so does MS - but ha. You try listening when there's a veritable chorus warbling insistently away at you like a demented performance of Mahler's symphonies - all being played at once.

This summer I shall switch from the cherry to the blueberry.

Make a drink - fuck you. Who said that?! I can't apologize enough!

It's time for some changes. Not so much because I need the change, but more that I deserve the change. Yah. I shall become a spendthrift with abandon. Yes. That's what i shall do. I shan't be kind nor empathetic anymore, but rather be frank in my assessments. If you don't please me, then step out of the way.

Flap, flap, flap - that's the sound of the phoenix rising from the ashes. Cough, cough, cough - that's the sound of people stupid enough to be in the way choking on the ashes (much better than sesame seeds in the teeth) whilst the phoenix rises from the ashes etc.

Gumboots. Winegums. Might have to go back to Chapters sooner rather than later.

There's a new taste sensation I've discovered. So clever. Oreo cookies dipped in rich Belgian chocolate. You must admit that's very clever and delicious sounding. It is. I had some and immediately looked up how to temper chocolate so I can dip my own Oreo cookies. I can see this being a new treat.

The other thing I will treat myself to is a new grater and cookie sheet because in the first case, the one extant in my drawer is small, and in the second case, it has gone missing - together with the bottom of my 9" cake pan - are you paying attention SOCK? Is it hiding among your kitchen jetsam and flotsam?

Right, I shall go do some reading then to bed sooner rather than later. Calls will go straight to voicemail. See if they don't - especially if they're not solicited.

Good. Anger - it's much healthier than despair. With anger, there's energy and something will be done - even if all ends in despair and tears. Mark my words, this too shall end in tears.

Good. Night.