Coffee, no gin

I started today by taking a gulp of boiling hot coffee. The resulting scald to the top of my mouth woke me up, but at what price? The rest of the day shall be tasteless - as in won't be able to taste anything because the taste buds are overwhelmed by the feel of the scalded patch.

Still, it woke me up and I got up to speed fast. Not that there's much to be fast for at the moment. It's hard to explain. I'm in one of those lulls in which not much happens and then I feel guilty that not much is happening. Truth is there are things which I could do, but those tasks are so boring that I can't bring myself to do them.

What value system do you use to decide whether something is worthy of being done or not?

I mean. Aphids - should I get so annoyed with them and then spray them to insect hell (one hopes) with soapy water? Should I feel guilty about discarding orchids what have served me well for at least 8 years because they've not flowered recently - actually come to think of it - the ones that SU passed over to me have NEVER flowered and only spread fecking mealy bugs to the rest of my indoor plants. They now sit smugly on my shelf looking green. I shall recycle them without guilt.

Project planning - there's only so much I can do if the people being planned don't respond. Oh wait, maybe that's the problem.

It's annoying beyond belief - this simulacrum of fake control. Still, I suppose if you can't control something, or you know that something isn't happening for a while, you should simply enjoy the time that you have and not stress over the lack of something happening. I'm training little grey cells to be less co-dependent on stress - cortisol, nasty addictive little molecule - and soon I shall be touching feathers to crystal vases and saying wonderingly, "oh, thought.", or "oh, feeling." and continue on my own little way.

To do today - get my buh-loody new card and input numbers and get rid of other numbers.

My new mattress has arrived - 1050 springs with a top foam/gel cover that moulds to my body and keeps me ensconced. So far I like it. I've slept at least 20 hours in it already and could so easily do more.

Today's priorities:
Send out demanding e-mails
Redefine my relationship with cortisol
Not take the sins of others onto my shoulders - that's not my job
Remind myself of the first agreement
Stake out 8 km
Don't go looking for trouble
Stop off at Welk's
Pay bills
Be aware of my footsteps and change in posture
Don't think about the time stretching out ahead of me - for there may be no time for all I know
Book ticket to OAK