Being young, not Will Young.

Today I intend to recapture my youth.

Not with special fountains of youth, miracle serums or avocado facials. It's actually quite easy to capture aspects of your youth. You see, today I shall channel the moody, irritated, changeable, nothing is going right ever, and why does everyone hate me, teenager.

So, let's get started shall we? Lots of ground to cover today.

  • The house building that is going on around me. Tap, tap, tap. Stop already.
  • The construction of ever smaller, more expensive living spaces at work. Boom, boom, boom. Just go away.
  • The ever useless meetings to decide nothing so we table it for future consideration. Burn the agenda already.
  • The people who always want more when you offer to do get some work for them. Fuck off already.
  • The 1) three old bitches who decide my fate - cut the string already; 2) false hope that's dangled before me - jump off the bridge already.
  • The aphids who organize cluster-fucks around my honeysuckle. Die already (they will in a minute anyway).
  • The flies who gather around my globe. Head for the belachan on the bag and drown already.
  • The people who don't know the etiquette surrounding digital communications. Take a bath with your electronic device (unless it's a Sony) - when it's plugged in - already.
  • The people who sign off their e-mails with "cheers". The series was cancelled over a decade ago. Cut off your fingers already.
  • The drivers who don't pay attention to their surroundings. Drive into the ocean already.

There, that'll do for a start. I suppose it's time to assume the mien of a responsible adult now.