Day 9

I'm so close to signing up for headspace. Have done day 9 and one more day to go.

Sign up? Hell, I should probably force it into my brain by way of my ears. Oh. Wait, that's what I'm already doing. In more ways than one.

I should be grateful today that I've already achieved two priorities - get a haircut despite the lack of enthusiasm in the day and the rainy grey skies that make biking that much more difficult. The other one was putting the newspapers what supported and buffered the various bits and bobs away into a recycling pile. Oh, and yes, I also unloaded the dishwasher. See, that's three priorities achieved already. I should be overjoyed surely?

But I'm not.

Must. Mellow. My. Mind.

Truth be told, I'm a bit fed up today and I'm on early morning time with a soupcon of fatigue and anxiety mixed in with guilt that I'm:

  • Not functioning as a proper human being should
  • Not contributing to society as a proper human being should
  • Feeding the drama
  • Ignoring the narrative
  • Getting into bad habits
  • Letting inchoate emotion drive the car

I'm also fed up with being so enthralled to my internal thoughts. Turning them into little blue and white cars that drive away, or fluffy white clouds that float away or looking at them with due gravity and setting them aside (like diamonds being sorted into different grades) only take you so far.

Is it any wonder that I dive into android news and only want to see happy movies with endings that I can anticipate? So I tried - I chose to watch Big Hero 6, an animated movie - Animated movies have happy endings do they not? Animated movies (once known as cartoons) have storylines that can be anticipated can they not? Well. So guess who's killed off within the first 20 minutes? The affable, sympathetic brother of the Hiro. Didn't see that coming! Then the supposedly good scientist guy who also perished in the big explosion? Well. He turned out to be a bad guy! And the supposedly bad guy who stole the microrobots? He was a victim! And Baymax?! He sacrificed himself like George Clooney in Gravity to save Hiro (Sandra Bullock). Bah. I was not happy - no real happy ending where everyone turns out alright, the world is saved and the plot proceeds as it should. Bah. Twists and turns. Don't like that at all.

Right then, it's probably best I make up some new priorities that help settle my mind, get over this jetlag and self-induced drama so that I can be a properly functioning human being who can contribute to society properly.

Feh.