Putative Pouncing

This is potentially one of the most exciting times ever and if you find that hard to believe right now, don't worry - what happens over the next few days will surely convince you. A new year, a new challenge and maybe, a new you too.

And so it goes. I'm not quite sure what to think of it so I dove into a bag of chips, and then a box of cookies and then a tub of ice cream. Full cream, none of that sissy low-fat or fake sugar bullshit. 

You see, I want to have a resolution or two to keep in the new year. So if I put on some weight, or raise my triglycerides, then I'll have a goal - that is, to lower weight and unhealthy levels of whatevers in the blood. What I really need though is some cold medicine so I can be doped up and then put to bed. Or maybe even better, to sleep. 

Must. Keep. Calm. 

There are dreams and then there are dreams, and then there are nightmares.  This is the result not of not having enough, but more of wanting more than is good for you. If it were only possible, and maybe it is but if it is, I've not found out how to achieve it yet, to accept the moment for what it is. Advice from CT you see, not that I'll heed it for we want what we want and there is nothing to be done about it. You can try and you can make it look like you're doing something, but the want inside will grow. You are just quiet about it. CT says that when you accept and heed your fears, even thank them for keeping you alive, you're one step away from coming to peace with your head and heart. That may well be, but I'm not that patient nor am I that tolerant. No. Instead, I shall poison head and heart with sugar and fat so that they both become sluggish, slow and plod along trying to stay alive instead of being all chipper and thinking things they shouldn't  be thinking about, nor feeling things they have no good reason to feel.

Hence the chips and cookies. 

The other thing I must do is to stop watching old episodes of Frasier. It's too depressing really and the writers were very cruel to Frasier - they never let him catch a break. It was always heartbreak and humiliation for him right to the very end. Some say that he deserved it, but I don't think that's true for a moment. He was a fool, a pompous one at that, but he did have a kind heart - and we all know that kind hearts are more than coronets.

He was smart, handsome, generous and kind for all the good it did him. You see, in this world, you have to take, or be taken. And poor Frasier, he was taken and no good was he dealt. Poor thing. 

On the subject of always wanting more - the Wealthy Barber (who recently returned) says that you have to wean yourself from shiny objects. I know this and it's good to not want so much. He says that keeping yourself away from the shiny objects help too - that the less you see, the less you want. But really, one can't keep oneself in the dark all the time can one? There is already so much darkness even if the solstice has passed, and the days are getting longer and why can't the lights know when the sunset is? 

Miss Mapp used to say, that she grew positively weary of the world and I'm afraid that I'm of the same thought as Miss Mapp except that I'm not quite as globular as she is although I feel like her countenance was - a clutch of lemons well squeezed - that is, sour. 

Perhaps it's the food that I've eaten today. Don't think that excess sugar in your diet will sweeten you any. The end result is to make you sour. This may seem strange, but then again, the body's biochemistry will always get you. 

Anyway, to take care of all the above, I've frozen my credit card because it's a good thing to do according to the Wealthy Barber. Yes for two weeks, all shall be cash purchases and because the bank accounts are running low - damn mortgages and strata fees - I shall think several times before making a purchase. And this will be good. 

You see, not having a credit card on hand will also keep me away from the shiny objects and what i don't see, i shan't want. This simple act shall protect me - not quite sure how, but it will. Freezing - such a simple solution and so energy efficient because once frozen, you bung it outside in the shade and it will remain solid. 

Negotiate what? There is nothing to negotiate because it's all so much bait thrown out to hook the unwary and keep them dependent. Dr. J calls me a pusher, but I'm not really - I'm actually quite pragmatic when it comes to telecommunication devices. Drug addiction can be an ugly thing sometimes. And I know exactly where I am in this morass of text even if you don't - you know the passage where Fay Weldon got herself so tied up in knots in a particularly good novel that she broke character and ask forgiveness of the reader, because she herself didn't know where she was nor what she meant with the words. She was drunk with words and they just flowed. 

Drunk on words. What a lovely concept. Words said when drunk, but not slurred, can sometimes mean nothing and other times mean everything. There is no hiding behind the bottle however much you want to for as AC had HP say, "the lies tell me as much as the truth does", and so it is with drink, "the words of drink say as much as what is not said by the words of water". 

But negotiate - is there any point negotiation - and this is where I'd normally put some pablum in about doing the right thing and not expecting any return on investment. Not this time because when it comes to return on investment, like the Wealthy Barber asks, "why wouldn't you expect a good return on investment?" Why not indeed. The caveat here, however, is expect. You have to be careful that what you expect is actually reasonable and appropriate for what your anticipated needs are. Then of course you have to factor in the fact that you don't really know what your anticipated needs are and so all calculations go to hell and you may as well just throw your hands in the air and tell the world to go to hell because quite frankly there is no point planning anything. But you do anyway because you're programmed to do so. 

This is a nice pickle isn't it? What should CT do? Not give me advice, but to do my nutter in with a cricket bat like Shaun in Shaun of the Dead. There is no point giving me advice because it is unlikely that I will follow any of it. Because I don't know what I want and when you don't know, it sure as hell isn't easy planning - which is why David Chilton says, save, and save more than you need for you don't know what you need. 

And there my world goes again, that is to say, in circles which one day I shall break out of in a truly spectacular fashion.

One thing I would like to see, and sooner rather than later is the appearance of 5.0.2 on my 2012 N7 for the pwore thing doesn't know how to handle its memory. I would also like to see this on my N5 for it too is looking drab and the glowing blue lines just don't cut it anymore. 

Okay - there you go. In the next few days, pay off some bills, buy some stuff for the thingy in the lab, and get some particles that are ready to glow, and then I'll thaw my credit card on the 12th of January. The citrus and flirtini seeds can't come soon enough. 

By the way - an aside to myself: I'm tired of telling myself that such behavior is normal - it may be normal for a jackdaw surrounded by shiny pennies, but a jackdaw isn't even in the equation - and that when it comes down to it, repetition is boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring. 

And that is all I have to say this first day of the year. Now I hope there are more sweet - triple - chunk chocolate Mr. Christie Cookies in the bag.