Egg Tarts and Ginseng

Tuesday today - two days or so before I'm heading out over the Pacific. Time has passed quickly. It'll be four weeks on Thursday since I was at YVR, except that time I was headed South.  Slight difference in flight times though - about 6 times longer. The difference in time zones - a mere 15 or is it 16? Can't remember with the change in daylight savings and all that. What's it all mean anyway? Hydro bills continue going up.

Work and money matters will be top of your agenda today and for the rest of the week and the planets indicate if you work hard now you will make a name for yourself and make a handsome profit before the end of the month.

Well, who knew - the stars are still going on and on about my financial matters - yesterday's was similar too. And good thing too - this is a good reminder for me to get my act together and face fears so that I can go, "oh, it's not as bad as I thought". It's like that isn't it? I'm under (or at least, feel it) an obligation to go forth and spend money, and so I did - non-stop spending. What a good thing I froze my credit card for two weeks after heading back North from the South. Well, I'll have to do the same thing again when I head East after going West to the East, if you know what I mean.

Thing is,  unconfirmed fears are the worst thing in the world. You brood. You come up with the worst-case scenarios and basically torture yourself with all the unknown possibilities which for the most part aren't really possibilities because you've let the drama take over the narrative so that the two become as one, and it's all drama(*). One little incident and your mind blows it out of proportion and then you calm it down, and another (maybe related, but likely not) little incident acts as a booster shot and the drama spikes - unlike your stock portfolio - and then you're all over the place again.

Such a good thing that the little blue and white cars kept shuffling along even if a bit jerkily. It was tempting to flag them down and grab a ride, but I kept walking - didn't even look at translink what is going to raise some more taxes - and for what? To keep the appointed executive board riding around in their fancy cars - they should be forced to use transit. Verily, they should.

Anyway, the blue and white cars helped. Also the realization that if something is not meant to happen, then as far as you're concerned, it doesn't matter how it works out. It really doesn't matter. The result will be the same however much drama is generated in your mind, so you may as well just save the energy for what is really happening in your life. Although, this could be problematic if there's nothing happening in your life.

And there lies the crux of the matter - there's a bit of a lull in my life at the moment. It's all a bit scary because it doesn't happen very often, but this time, I don't have much choice in the matter. No applications to write because the ROI is just awful at the moment. No work to do because the infrastructure hasn't settled yet, and no funding in the pots so can't start new work - and I refuse to start new work for anyone unless they back it up with some funds. Nor am I using crowd funding to achieve this.

So there you go - empty head because no obsessive tasks need to be completed, anxiety over sitting over 18 hours on a plane, anxiety over spending - it never seems to stop - a few weeks before, the spending starts and it continues throughout the trip. Which is why I must think of oatmeal raisin cookies, pointy ends of planes, Manila, Sons of the Earth, The idiot I-broker, and how nothing should or can be judged by us mere humans. It all comes out in the wash, and besides, I must go to Mint and face my fears - and thereby fulfill the Globe and Mail's prophecies.

Right then, I shall go face my fears now and wish them all well, but in counterpoint, I shall also make some cosmic wishes. But no more such wishes will be sent out to the future - they only come back to taunt me.

Proteotoxicity and if you don't like your environment - you move. Why wouldn't you if you can? - Take note of this statement - I will turn this into an application yet. The time isn't quite ripe yet, but it will get there.

Oh the title - ginseng - fresh. Almost last spending item and then I saw egg tarts and had to have one. That's all. My fears, desires and general outlook on life is pretty simple. I'm driven by sugar and fat as in, "...wrong to order a steak (after yoga), but can I have your chunks of fat?"

(*) at least until you're proven which point you become an astrologer and predict the future.