Pa-the-tic! That was a word which flew around the corridors of the 400 year old manor house what was my grammar school in the late 70s. Someone used it as an insult, spat out with great gusto, "Thomas Jr.! You're Pa-the-tic", and instant cachet was his (not Thomas Jr.). The corridors were wet and slippery with spit from the use of the word all hours of the day.

Today, I thought of the human condition, and after some, not very profound, I admit, thought, I decided that the human condition really comes down to having to make a choice between two things, and unbidden, the following popped into my head:

Is that(*) all there is to it?! That's(**) pa-the-tic!

*making a choice between two things
**spat out with great gusto

Couldn't help it. It was truly what I thought. So now I have to choose because the human condition, at least mine, is wanting and some change is needed. A new attitude, a new view of an old (God, how much older can this get? How much more fucking pathetic?) problem, blah, blah, blah. It seems, nay I know I've done this before, and I am likely to know this pa-the-tic problem again before the day of my death dawns, but Dear God, I fucking hope not. When this happened before, it involved a lot of white paint, and drawing of veils, closing of windows and doors, and ironically enough, opening of doors and windows too. This time I shall attempt as never have I done before to keep the paint to a minimum (I'm thinking a light eggshell tempura) and I shall eschew the veils - they only get in the way when the wind blows, and more often than not get into the paint and then spread it everywhere as they flap about in the wind. The doors and windows, and windows and doors - a bit more difficult. Keep the one and not the other - that's the plan, or at least the hope. Dear God, may this attempt not be a pathetic one.

The more discerning of you will anticipate that I shall now make some passing reference to history, the remembering of it, the being doomed to repeat it and so forth. We'll go with the Santayana quote first since it's somewhat true that those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it, but that's not quite true in this case because I do remember the past (for I am the recording angel of petty sins, and I do remember many things as a result - it's all that recording you see) so perhaps, it would be more accurate to go with Marx (Karl, not Les Freres) and tell myself that history repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce. Much more accurate except that so far the repeats have been tragedy over and over again (in so much as something pathetic (used in the pejorative sense) can be tragic)). Right then, perhaps it's more accurate to say that history repeats itself, and you're condemned to repeat it however good your memory. Yes. Much more accurate. However you look at it, you're doomed. It's been a curse for as long as I can remember, and I've had enough. This time, I will bring this series of repeating events to an end and that way, it will never repeat itself because I have this intuitive feeling that I'll break the chain if I can only use as little paint as possible and keep the windows and doors (vide supra) clear in my head, which is to say, to know which ones to keep open, and which ones to open and close as needed.

So wish me luck that the wind doesn't blow anything shut when it should remain open - especially when my head (or liver (see Indian philosophy as espoused by Seth)) is in the way.

Apa boleh buat? Sabar menanti-lah innit?