Grey cats, passports and windowless buildings

All three items were on my mind this week because of they were the subject of dreams - some were even repeat dreams.

1) Grey Persian cat winding its body around somebody named Philomena - don't know who she was, but knew her name was that - as she walked. Not clear whether the intent of cat was to be close, or to trip P. That caused some dissonance and a frisson of anxiety.

2) Passports. In the dream, had trip coming up and couldn't find passport for love nor money. Panic because meant I'd have to go home to get passport, and without passport to start with, how to get home to get new passport. Futile circle of worry - caused more dissonance and more frisson of anxiety.

3) Building without windows - tall, grey and concrete - actually building had windows - or at least the window frames, but no glass so they were empty holes looking like blind, yet still judgmental, eyes looking at you with disapproval - but disapproval of what? Don't disapprove without telling me why, that's my job. Ohhhhh. Wait. Maybe that's it. I'm getting a taste of my own medicine. Maybe mind is telling me that I should be nicer to people? Less judgmental? Less blind? Less disapproving, more accepting?

Bah. Dreams. So amorphous.

Reality isn't that much better though. No, that's not true - that's the head drama speaking, the narrative actually says (narrative is boring, but what can you do), that you have some defined tasks to complete by the 14th, 26th and 30th of March. There is no getting around this.

The other thing narrative says is that there are other more free-flowing tasks that surround these dates, and that there is help which is arriving soon for these tasks. Narrative also says that you have also made some concrete moves towards a goal that has been in the air for a few years - to wit, you have more ski gear now and have actually gone for a swoosh. Narrative also says that you ran a race this year, and that it was satisfactory for now.

Narrative also says that you made the right decision viz-a-viz the 800+ springs and the Bikahlas. These can be put on hold for now. Narrative also says that a trip South is long overdue - 4 or 5 years in some respects. Narrative also says that murky waters of the mind do settle down eventually, and that which has the potential to cause high drama was nipped in the bud, and that the roiling waters what cause all that murkiness will also calm down.

Narrative also says that two if not more important lessons were learnt this past 10 days, and not only were the lessons absorbed, but they were also reinforced by an unexpected letter.

I write all this down to remind myself that narrative is neutral and not personal. The same narrative will have different effects on different people as it should - else we'd all be living the same life, which while attractive at times just wouldn't do in the long-term. Narratives also run in parallel and their effect on different people can overlap in surprising ways - three examples were presented to me this week alone.

What do I take from this? I'm not sure yet. It's certainly provoked some thought and will likely expand my outlook on my original drama vs. narrative thesis. I have a strong feeling that this weekend was an important one for reasons that are felt, but not (yet) articulated. As much as I hate doing this, the best thing I can do now is to let the sub rosa thoughts, feelings and decisions swirl, cogitate and settle into a pattern. Then I'll go back and look at it.

Friday - was an evening of swooshing on the local mountains. Fell once, and shoulders were a bit out of whack, but otherwise quite respectable given how much time has passed since the last time I swooshed.

Saturday - Drowned in the rain, had more trigger points (painful ones at that) discovered, but fortunately no needles. Then to Strauss' Capriccio on a rainy and wind-swept street, which helped ease some of the dissonance and frisson (vide supra), and that led to the beginning of what I hope is a long-lasting pace et resumere, not requiescat in pace.

Sunday - a race what was slower than desired, but that too will pass. It's not important right now. Heard tales of courtly games at Camelot but contrary to popular belief (and this is intentional drama) no disrobing. At least, this is what I was told.

And finally today. Well, today is today, and I will do my best to set the scene for completion of the tasks mentioned previously. Wish me luck in cogitation.