Getting On

It happens
This is how it happens:  First there is Grand Universal Paradox (GUP) where you have what you don't want, and want what you don't have.

Second there is Futile Frustration (FurF) where what you don't want, but have, mocks you for what you want, but don't have.

Third comes Howling at the Moon (HaM) which can take many forms.

Metaphorical moons
Howling at the Moon: In my case, HaM came in the form of walk last night to clear my head and reset myself for the tasks ahead, except that a conversation started with KB which lengthen the time spent on the walk, which lowered my core body temperature and made me need to pee desperately. Okay, maybe it was the tea I had beforehand. In any case, I needed to pee and so had to run home which obliterated any attempt to calm my mind, strengthen my resolve, and Put. My. Life. In. Order. So there you have it, if my life continues in disarray, it's all KB's (now to be known as Little S, for Little Snarky  - new year, new sobriquet, you see) fault. Another aphorism for you: The trick to winning in life is to find someone to blame. The sentiment doesn't actually reflect the spirit of the 4 agreements, but sometimes it's useful for taking a swipe at little S, for literary reasons, it has to be done.

Frittering time away
Time Fritters: It's already Selasa and I started this on Isnin. Oh dear. That's how time is frittered away. I'm feeling a little bit anxious because there's a lot to be done in the next few weeks, but I can't get motivated to tackle the tasks. There are so many of them, some are little, some are larger, but they're all over the place, some are related, some are unrelated, some are only dependent on my input, others depend on the input of others. I don't know what to do, don't know where to start and just want to crawl under my desk and actively sulk. Or stare into space and let things wash over me. Instead of time fritters, I'd much rather have the bacon-apple-fritter-deep-fried-doughnut-thing I had when I visited with RP to commiserate over our mutual feelings of anti-socialness. We clinked coffee cups and looked with disdain at those around us.

I wish, I wish, I wish...
Wishing Well:I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I could just be, and not think for a while. Not worry about what the future will bring, not think about how to manage the present, nor regret the past. I also wish that I could just let go of things that are out of my control. I fervently with that every answer I send out wouldn't generate another question that has to be answered - these questions from people who are supposed to take care of stuff on my behalf. I also wish that it was easier to do what's right, and not expect a return. I wish above all that I could be content with what I have, and who I am. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I could just be, and not think for a while.

Maybe it's for the best
Maybe (Tuesday came and went, and now I'm in a little situation. Maybe it's for the best): Maybe I'll find beauty where I least expect it.  Maybe this is the path I'm supposed to take. Maybe what happens now will spin me to a different direction. Maybe being hung out to dry will stretch my back out and work out the kinks. Maybe I will accept gladly. Maybe I don't need water, don't need ice, nor any fool's advice. Maybe a solution will flutter by in the next day or so. Maybe - said with optimism, or with disbelief - you decide on my behalf. I'm not sure which side of the word I fall at present. Maybe by Wednesday, I'll know better.

A good time
Mean Time: In the meantime, I will try to do the right thing without expecting a return. I will do what I do with as much honesty and generosity as possible with no intent to manipulate or influence unduly - a biased decision is an ugly and if I'm to find beauty in unexpected places, I must avoid the ugly of bias. I will also wish as well as I can, let the water flow around me and focus on never letting the feck-wit-mealy-bugs rear their hideously squishy and fluffy heads again. Ever.

I think that's quite enough to be getting on with at present.