Blessed are the list makers

Push! Push! Push to further the goals of tart making!
My primary occupation may be to push (ever so slightly - nudge really) the frontiers of science ahead to swamp the world's libraries with asinine and useless trivia for self-glorification and one-man-up-ship for the good of humanity, but I am also known as the recording angel of petty sins. Today, however, I feel that I should be a list-maker because I'm so good at it - at least I'm good at making the lists, but crossing the items off the list, well that's another story. What would you have me do? I can't be good at everything. Nobody can.



Water-stained lists archived 
In the last few days, I've made a multitude of lists - so many that I ended up creating a master list to rule them all keep track of what I should be doing. Then I gave up because it was becoming ridiculous and I archived everything - the beauty of digital lists is that you can hide them away and search for them later when the time is right for the list.

So where does this leave me? Well nowhere in particular really. My mind is still a confused jumble of vague, inchoate emotional and nebulous feeling noise. There are elements of anxiety, guilt, dissatisfaction, disappointment and a general feeling that I have a lack of control over everything, and also that I've been doing stuff for other people and putting myself aside. All of which is a fine breeding ground for unclear and irrational thoughts, which in turn lead to deviation from the narrative and a head-first leap into drama - and we all know that going head to head with drama can hurt the most hardened of heads. So I must avoid that - but this time, the chaos within is too much for mere list making which really only treats symptoms, and not the underlying cause.

Little viola steps to split stone
Therefore, I sat down and made a diagnosis and came up with a solution that will resolve a number of issues what are bothering me - and once done, I'm hoping my green analysis will turn red, and I'll put shelve them until such time they are dealt with. This shelving if successful will then free me to take of what i should do between now and the end of the year. Oh, I'm also setting myself up for a little pick me up as a just in case. After all, I need to do what's right for me, and (metaphorically) speak my mind so that hearts and dreams can run free - there is no scheme, really there isn't. No ulterior motive (okay, one, but really - it's such a teeny one that will help ensure that I do what I should do (as opposed to what I want to do), which is okay. After all, when you run free for a while, it's also good to head home and stay within the fences of every day life and demands.


After all, if I can't have the Maldives right now....I can settle for something else...even if only little violas.