Issinot

Today I feel unshaven and like hiding my true self from the world
"That is the way the world works [or add your favourite phrase here], issinot?", or so Mrs. H used to say when teaching. She said it so often, that Mrs. H became known as Issi-na-na for the rest of her life. In retrospect, it could have been much worse.

"It is what it is" arguably one of the most meaningless phrases ever coined. It's cheap sounding and reeks of false wisdom dressed in a shroud of inane, lazy, non-critical thought. And I don't remember where I was going with this, but I'm sure whatever it was also reeked of false wisdom.

Verily I'm sleep deprived this week because things are mutating faster than I can keep up which means my head processes these mutations late into the night (to no avail really because by the time I've sorted out an answer, it's already mutated), and also because it's been sunny lately which means I'm awake at sunrise. Then the rest of the day, I feel groggy and can't process my own thoughts properly, much less the on-going mutations at work. So I'm not going to process anything for a few days. I shall stop thinking and just be. Yes. Just. Be. A brilliant plan, Issi-na-na?

An organic cotton rain jacket or a nefarious plot?
Dr. J has put in place a nefarious plot. You see, he feels the need, the desire, the passion for a light, can't feel that it's on and unflappable cycling jacket that will keep him dry from precipitation that is heavier than a shower, but less than a misting. This jacket must not only keep him dry, but also look smart and allow him to nonchalantly stroll into an upper-clarce cafe where he can order frothy coffee with aplomb. The jacket, in a perfect world, would also fold away into a little-itty-bitty package he can slip into his pocket when the showers blow away. He found some contenders, but to date has not been able to justify the purchase. So what does he do?He introduces me to Vulpine cycling jackets which are ostensibly made from organically grown cotton that has been harvested in fair-trade fashion, woven by weavers with access to childcare and a comprehensive medical and retirement package, where every thread has a name and is lovingly twisted into place with precious oils pressed humanely from sustainably grown herbs and plants so the coat, although cotton, repels water.

The Vupine even protects your bottom
as you ride into the sunset
These jackets even have the approval of  The Guardian for being a long-lasting, buy it once, own it forever item of clothing that will take you with aplomb and nonchalance from rain shower to grave - because you see, with the purchase, you have the option of requesting a funeral from Vulpine where your jacket becomes your shroud, and you are buried in the same fields where they obtain their preciously and precociously named cotton, and since the jacket contains only earth-grown, recyclable materials, and your dead body is returning to the dust whence it came, you complete a cycle where you become a Vulpine raincoat, and the raincoat becomes you. What a circle of life Issi-na-na? And this will only cost you 195 sterling pounds, or CAD$305.52 at today's exchange rate. Amortized over 50 years (assuming you start at 30 and live till 80), why, that's  practically nothing - how could you not participate in this circle of good karma and life? Sign me up - you, Dr. J may go purchase your Gore jacket with my blessing now. I shall have my Vulpine after all. Then again, maybe I should just take a nap and recover my senses and lust after sensible things like the rumoured upcoming Nexus 5.

This colour scheme known as: Lord of the Flies.
I do love the stark minimalism of the shoebox's colour scheme; unfortunately there is one drawback.. The dark grey and white is the perfect camouflage for flies that circle incessantly in the middle of the room. I wouldn't mind so much if they were to stay by a little-used wall and circle discreetly. They could even smoke teeny leetle cheroots if they wanted to. Instead, they choose the most conspicuous spot of blank air and then do lazy loop the loops before going into a crazy spin down and up then settling back into the loops. Drives me loopy is what it does and so I try to swat them out of the air shoo them out of the shoebox, but you can't see them very well because they blend into the grey and then suddenly appear again against the white tile, then back to the grey. It's like a strobe light effect and makes me dizzy. So I'm making my own fly trap - the trap part is easy, the bait part to draw them into the trap, not so easy. The internet tells me to use sugar and vinegar, but I hardly think that's very attractive even to a fly. So I'm going the whole hog and using belacan - our prawn paste wet down with chili juices. This will draw the little looping the loop beasts into the trap by droves and I shall have my own fly Vupine (all organic, sustainable and free-trade approved trap ingredients you see) graveyard.

The power of Hue Bulbs to subdue great evil is a boon!
Finally - the parent-sitter has arrived in the shoebox. It's a 32" telly, and today the cable guy came by to install the services required to run it as we're not allowed to have antennae on the building (good thing they don't know about the bugdroids who've been up on the roof). He was a very pleasant fellow, spoke at a leisurely pace and explained everything in simple terms - it must have been obvious that I didn't know much about the new tellies. In fact when I told him that I'd never before owned a telly before, and that this one was my first (even if second hand, and hopefully to be third hand by the end of the summer), he gasped and his jaw dropped open. Anyway, it's in the shoebox now, this big black monolithic looking thing (monoliths are only permitted if they're the size of my N4), and it's sucking all light into its maw. It's evil, I told RP last night, it just exudes and oozes evil from its screen. I was depressed last night when it moved in, then was even more depressed when the technician fired up the channels and we landed up on one of those never-ending 24 hour cycle repeat the news and talk about ridiculous aspects to it channels to test the reception. Fortunately, I remember the Hue bulbs and popped one behind it to make the wall glow pink and neutralize the black maw. The next step is to now disguise the maw with some shelves and to create a light show behind it that will make BC Place cry.

Oh dear Lord, just grant me my Vulpine.