Push

Worse than making a bed...poor T-Rex.
One last push. That's all it'll take. I have all the bits and bobs now and can go ahead and put the finishing touches to this last application what has been hanging over my head, sitting on my chest and clogging up my nasal passages. It's the last one of the season, and I'll have 3 months off before the next round. It's been a long grind - Started writing in September and only just finishing now. Can it really be true that I was writing while moving and all?

Hmm. Brings to mind Michael Ondaatje's Anil's Ghost: "Not that he was happy here, but being busy he was preoccupied", which when you think about it, is an improvement over "Glass becoming air and air becoming glass" paragraph (Rushdie), or even "Mind the gap! Mind the gap!" (Weldon).

Yes, that's the trick. Keep busy, and I'll worry less about things in general because when you're busy, and preoccupied, you don't think about anything else. Makes sense no?

...et en fin, que faire?
Anyway, one last push - I will have to whip the references into shape, smooth the ragged edges of academic discourse, deflate the promises of grandeur, and declaim proudly how the Canadian public will be served by this. Then to summarize everything into 10 lines that a 5th grader can understand.

Reductor! I wish. Or maybe, even better, Redactor! Flights of fancy indeed. What would the Wise Woman of the West say? Ohhh that's right, I'm not supposed to ask the Wise Woman for advice, so I shan't.

Heart of hearts, what would I, me, myself and I, do? Let's see, it can't be anything out of character because that would be cheating and reek of drama being sprayed over narrative. Yes, I know exactly what I would do - I'll lift up the fourth finger of my right hand slightly, then waggled it ever so imperceptibility over to the right, then return it to the starting position. That's what I would do. Dr. J constantly talks about bottles of beer and oysters, but he doesn't seem to understand that I don't drink beer, and I only like oysters when fried into a thin crepe, and doused with light soy and white pepper. So yes, a lifted finger, then a dropping neck of submission to the fates. That, my sweet, will be what I look forward to. I've predicted this and will be reminded in a year's time when the future me receives an e-mail sent by the present me.

So for today, BK's birthday, I shall go look at some gee-gees, but not behave like Eliza Doolittle. There will be no expectations other than to whip some references, write a few lines and maybe have some fish tonight.

What will the future bring for$1.00?
I made yet another visit to Homo Depot, but early in the morning after a short run with CP and RM, the former wore a pair of blue vibrams, the latter didn't. At HD, plates were purchased, more vigro soil, more bricks that I can heave at the damn seagulls who have inexhaustible supplies of white and green shit, that stains concrete, sticks to it and like the spots on Lady Macbeth's hands refuse to come out even with hard scrubbing. Personally, had I been Lady M, I'd have exfoliated, but that's me. Then later in the afternoon after watching the gee-gees run, I moved pots around, moved the orchids around and tried to prepare the space for a second sofa to create my sitting nook where the salons shall take place - that's the plan anyway. In truth, they'll just collect dust while I moulder away into nothingness save for a heap of dried, but well polished, dead skin cells. As we all will, someday.

Can can or  can liao lah? That is the question lah
Tak pasti yet lah.
But let's not talk about our end, it gives me a headache and I have to be careful about getting headaches because I'm out of ibuprofen - damn it. Rubbing painful areas with ice will only do so much despite what CB has to say. He keeps threatening me with injections into joints. I don't like that concept very much so what to do.

Apa boleh buat lah? Hati sakit, kepala sakit, badan sakit.

Apa-lah, now the space bar also not working. Aiyoh, must  be sign that should go sleep-sleep now. So I will. More tomorrow. Maybe - it all depends how all the polishing goes. Were I to write a cosmic wish list tonight....but I. Must. Not. because it's bad for my state of mind and it destroys the careful equilibrium (which is by no means static) of expectations bubbling within.

The changes that can be wrought in a week. Oh me, oh my.

Okay - lah, just dream-dream and say can lah already what. At least until tomorrow and then see again loh.