Today, I sat at my high table (just like the one in the Great Hall at Oxford) and I surveyed my kingdom over a cup of coffee and felt the heavy weight of the throne on my slender, Audrey-Hepburn-like neck. Willowy things don't like heavy things on their head. It hurts and strains shoulders.

I speak metaphorically of course. I am tired of justifying my actions and sentences. Today, I thought, it would be nice to be in a position where I don't have to make decisions that will affect people unless it's to fire people who get in my way.

On a related (yes it is related in a seemingly unrelated manner) why are oatmeal proteins so sticky? Why do they adhere so well to glass, plastics, ceramics, metals and wood - to which you might think there's been an accident involving hot oatmeal, bowls, tables and metal implements. You'd be wrong. It's actually a metaphor, and should BKKB read this line, there will be much gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands as they try to make out what oatmeal proteins really mean. Well, after all, why should I rob them of their pleasure? The little Durian does enjoying having at me with his flailing spines, so I STANd still and pretend that his little barbs pierce my skin and STAiN my clothes with blood. He particularly enjoys drawing blood (or so he thinks) when I'm down - a little bit like SaTAN really.

Then again, maybe he won't read this, and I'll be left alone. Maybe.

Boo-boo honey badger bear, however, that's a different story. He makes out to be an innocent honey-loving (what could be more innocuous?) bear, but really, it's all a fa├žade. He eats those red liquorice sticks as a blind and while appearing to be sweet and assuming, will slip in a piercing question amidst a babbling brook of bavardage. Fortunately, I was on my guard and was able to withSTANd all the questioning. Good plan, eh Stan?

Right then, it's time to get the first few decisions of the day. And first decision is to change BKKB to PKtLDBBHBB. At least for today.