I have moved, therefore I am pwore! Moving. So poverty inducing.

Unlike Kate Bush where moving is more akin to following a whale in the deep blue ocean. But I digress.

Deep blue oceans don't last forever
You see, on September 30th, I wrote a letter to the blood sucking vampires my landlords telling them where to stuff their latest rent increase (i.e. where the sun don’t shine unless you’re down on Wreck Beach) saying that I was ever so sorry, but I was moving on and that I was saddened at the thought of leaving the warm little home they’d created. There were cries of despair, of course there were. There are always cries of despair when I take my leave. It’s a condition of knowing me, you always make piteous little mewling sounds when I leave.

A well appointed shoe box
In any case, I’m now ensconced in a rectangular shoe box, that is if a shoe boxes had a volume of 5,400 cubic feet, which is my coy way of saying, “9 foot ceilings man!" That’s 108 inches of height for those of you slow in mental arithmetic. In addition to the 5,400 cubic feet, there’s an additional 210 square feet of patio – that’s 30 feet by 7 feet, again for those slow in mental arithmetic.

New surfaces to clean
Shoe box though it may be, it does have lovely floors, all oak-like, polished to a genteel sheen, masses of cupboard space and quartz counters. There was some controversy over the nature of the counters where BK tried to tell me it was some inferior sort of imitation hard plastic, and where Dr. C claimed it was some faux marble, but fortunately, ML came over, and as he was taking his shoes off, said with satisfaction, "Lovely counters. It's quartz. Very good quality quartz at that!". In all matters of home and hearth, ML has the last word. None can gainsay him. 

Feverish packing leads to a stack of boxes
However, I get ahead of myself - so there I was in October having sent a letter of regret to the BSV (blood sucking vampires), and wondering whether or not all would be complete for my move in November. As it turned out, there was a fair bit of confusion and drama over the final agreements, and the lawyers involved in this transaction tried to move the signing to the last day of October, and told me to move in November, but I told them that there was no way in hell I was going to truckle to the BSV and that I'd rather throw myself off the nearest bridge (that'd be Burrard Bridge - the prettiest one of them all I always think) and so unless they wanted my blood on their hands, they'd best do something about it, and they did. 

It was very efficient. Fortunately, I'd been sorting, tossing and packing feverishly from the moment I sent the letter to the BSV. 

Chaos before tranquillity
The Wednesday before last, my appointments were confirmed in the morning. Then in the evening, there was an attempt to get an extra $20,000.00 from me - "It's only temporary", they said, "It's for the government", they said. I didn't tell them to go where the sun don't shine as it's never good policy to piss off the people checking the details for you - Instead, I channelled Mimi,Violetta and Jane Eyre all at once and told them that I was already was soon to be destitute and practically consumed already, and was ready to shed a tear or two when fortunately, EK called saying that it was all a mistake and the person in charge of this little matter hadn't got the right end of the stick, but that all would be fine on the day. I put my trust in what EK had to say - after all I had no choice in the matter. 

Mind you there was a back up plan, but I was hesitant to trigger it...

The following day, that's Thursday for you who are not paying attention, I met with the lawyers, signed my bank accounts away - my sister had told me to just smile and sign, smile and sign - and that's exactly what I did. I smiled and I signed. The rest of the day was spent in a daze for not only was I sleep deprived, but there were numerous warning text messages from my credit union and my Mint account telling me that vast amounts of monies were being taken out of my accounts. That night, I packed the final boxes looked about me and wondered why I hadn't thrown out, recycled or donated more stuff.

The seating arrangements leave much to be desired
On Friday morning, the skies opened up and the rain came down in a deluge. Please don't correct me SOCK, think of this as artistic license. E and K, the two representative guys from Tranquillity Movers came right on the dot of ten. They didn't look very tranquil, and for good reason - they were members of a trash-punk band at night, and moved during the day. Tattoos and long hair like those in Rush. They told me an amusing story about how two little old ladies had hired them, and how their faces (the little old ladies) had blanched upon seeing E and K, but by the end of the day, the ladies had cooked E and K lunch, and insisted on having their pictures taken with them. 

Computer screens in the kitchen for recipes
My face didn't blanch, but E and K's did when they saw the stairs they had to climb up and down - they asked me several times whether I was sure there was no elevator, and I was sure there was none. So they climbed up and down multiple times with boxes, shelves, boxes, various bits of furniture and plants. Once down, they asked whether or not the next place had an elevator, and was I sure it had one. Yes I was sure, having ridden it before.

Dr. C is first into the parking spot
Then Dr. C showed up and helped me move some of the more delicate, fragile and important stuff (i.e. me), and he was the first to park in my designated parking spot. Then K and E arrived and reversed the process, bringing everything back up from the truck. They, E and K, were excellent, I tried to help, but they told me that the name of their company,Tranquillity Movers, wasn't only about the process, but also a state of mind and that I was not to worry about moving anything. I highly recommend them, their rates were very reasonable as well. 

Well done! An astounding view!
Then a quick lunch with Dr. C at the local pho restaurant after which Dr. C helped to set the bed, then he hopped on to see what kind of view he could make out as I have over 46% worth of glass on my Western Wall, and the view, it is indeed amazing - more on that some other time. Then he left, and I started unpacking and putting things away wherein I found my first First World Problem. I have too many cupboards and storage space. You see, in the old place, there was limited storage space and what there was was in very inconvenient nooks and crannies. Here, the problem is deciding where the perfect spot is for each item. 

Think about it: Open box, take out item, decide where it should go, try it out in different spots, despair, put it somewhere - anywhere - and hope for the best. Take out second item, repeat, move first item because it's obvious the second item fits better where the first was. Take out third item, repeat. It's exhausting, I tell you.

Then the SOCK called asking whether I was in and upon hearing I was, came over. At the time, I was having dinner with PJ and LL who had biked over but had gone too far East before finally arriving to see my new abode. Then BK called and said he was coming over too to see the new building that had been built upon the exploded remains of the Polish bakery, and then DWE and ML came over too - that's when BK tried to convince me that my counters were plastic, and when ML told us it was high quality quartz - because they were in the neighbourhood. They brought wine, I had port, and we all toasted the new place. 

It is an axiom of my existence that each item has a perfect position that awaits it

On Saturday, there was no sleep, but more unpacking, indecisive moving of items around to different places and cupboards. Very frazzling it was.

On Sunday, there was a massive cleaning of the old apartment - including the oven that had never been cleaned in 10 years - thank goodness for Easy Off,  fine product if there ever was one, a final lunch at QQ Sushi for it is unlikely I'll go there for sushi of a Friday night as I was wont to do, and then the SOCK came along with Golfie to bring the rest of my orchids and cleaning materials over to the new place, and he was the second one to park in my designated spot. Imagine, I now have a parking spot. Why, I might have to buy a car now. 

An empty apartment, but well scoured of its decade of detritus
And that was how I spent the last weekend of October. So what prompted this move you might be asking. Well, therein lies a tale of much whining, nagging, complaining and relentless prodding and no little chicanery, but I'll save that for the next time - Why the move that made me so pwore even happened!