Chinooks and Mistrals

A vicious cycle if ever there was one
Goodness, where does the time go? It's been 5 days since I wrote anything - how disrespectful to my audience, even if it only consists of 2. My abject apologies.

Question: Does 'abject' not go well with 'penury'?

It does doesn't it? I do like it when words go together well. Abject penury, I'm certainly pwore, and approaching penury, but not quite abject penury. Fortunately, all that will change in the week to come. I'm waiting for the next billing cycle in my credit card to kick in so that I can purchase certain items that will make my life more comfortable.

Thus is the Kiss of Tosca!!
Living in this shoebox with vistas has been a joy these past two weeks - can it really only have been two weeks that I've been here? What has it been like you ask? Well, I liken it to living in a posh hotel except without room service, nor chambermaids. I feel like I must keep everything pristine and so am constantly wiping, cleaning, tidying up, or otherwise removing fingerprints and or greasy stains from various posh surfaces - which I never had to do in the old place. The juices of apples being baked overflowed in the oven recently, and it was not a case of my cup runneth over with joy. Rather the contrary. The sound of the sizzling and the smell of burning sugars (so complex in this case as to resemble carbon) was followed by a screech of terror let loose by me, as if I'd been stabbed by Tosca - I'm sure in real life I wouldn't have been for if ever there was a fag-hag, Tosca is she. I had to take two asprin after chipping off the sugary apple carbon - but gently of course so as to not chip the shiny surface of the oven floor.


Deformed feet are tightly bound to their vista
What else have I found out about the shoebox with vistas? Well, it's a very air-tight shoebox. KB was over on Friday for an evening of Vietnamese pho followed by heavy drinking (my definition - well, I did have more than half a glass of wine - Pays d'Oc merlot - so that's heavy by my standards). He was sitting on the blue couch between the stove and the WC and suddenly felt a draft. He complained because KB  is sensitive to the vagaries of temperature - even more so than me.

I said, "It must be 10 O'clock", and he looked puzzled.

"Don't look so puzzled, Little D", I said and continued, "It's only the bathroom fan coming on". He cocked his head to the side, and asked me (quite rudely I thought), "Just how much have you drunk?!".

Chinook the wind, not the fish
In reality, it's all quite simple. As part of my duties, I am required to run my bathroom fan at least 2 hours a day otherwise my warranty is void - not the fan, but damp-proofing of the building or some such thing. And because the shoebox is so airtight, turning the fan on draws cold air  in from the vent above the stove, and this stream of cold air (the opposite of a Chinook, Scirroco, or Bora - I think it was - scads of a Sunday conversation with RP and SOCK) travels from the stove towards the bathroom fan, and in this case, hit KB full in the face, rendering him chilled.

See, it's quite simple, really. Anyway, I turned off the fan which is set to go on at 10pm, and KB immediately felt warmer.

But back to abject penury - there are items I must get soon as my back will no longer support sitting in a decaying office chair which is too short for a counter top. While you may find it easier to scoop food into your mouth when it's closer to the dish, it's not a very appetizing sight. And with all the shiney surfaces around, it's hard to avoid your own reflection - after all, unlike my erstwhile landlords, I'm no blood-sucking vampire.

The old flat-chested she-bat
Imagine - last week, the tenant, R, what took over my old apartment, had questions or problems about something, nor was R feeling very well at the time. Anyway, R called up the Blood Sucking Vampires (BSV) and asked a question or two. They told her to call me, then BSV - the female cow one - called me, and said, and I reproduce what the cow said here, "Oh, can you help R with her questions, we don't know, and she's not feeling well, blah, blah, blah, and needs help". What a blood-sucking vampire cow don't you think?!

An impressive chest
In any case, I need two stools for the counter, a bar-table (for more heavy drinking sessions) and some chairs (with backs because BK won't have it otherwise) for the bar-table. These will bring me to the edge of abject penury. Fortunately, there's monies owing to me from the lawyers which will help pay for the hallway floating shelf made of solid rosewood (don't sneer DWE, it doesn't become you) that D was very eager to show me and which I was quite eager to be shown by D. Yes, he has quite a nice chests that will do nicely too (for a coffee table that is), and you can read what you want into that comment.

Efficiency is two functions for the price of one.
So these are the essentials. The table will be multi-season - indoors during the cold season, and outdoors during the warm season. Why it's almost like having two tables for the price of one.

There's another item which I would like to get - and I know ML will approve heartily of this item too. It's the Dyson tower fan. Bladeless, silent, gentle streams of air and oh so stylish. If I can't get a dyson hand-dryer in my bathroom, this is the closest I can get to it. One problem - it's only marginally cheaper than the table I want to get.

Then again, it runs hot and cold...so really, i'm getting two fans for the price of one - and really, it's a whole lifestyle solution....yes, I do like that. I can use it in the winter to warm my room, and in the summer to cool the same room - why it would be like having the ability to conjure up a Chinook (the wind, not the fish), or a Mistral at will. I could practically control the weather then! The SOCK will be jealous. Goodness, it's more than a heating/cooling fan, it's a climate control device. And being a multi-functional climate control device, it would suit my all-climate table. Yes? It's synchronicity, it's a sign.

Seen in this light, this fan climate control device is cheap at the price. It even comes with a remote. Yes. Abject penury has never seemed so stylish.

So, ML - what colour do you think? I prefer the blue myself.