In which a retraction is turn into literary texting...
I’m on strike today and not working, or rather am working from home (i.e. Milano’s Coffee Roasters). I am, having a cold cup of coffee because I’ve been here so long, trying to figure out how to deal with the financial debacle that is my Mint now that TD has been evil, bought up, and then closed down the websites, for MBNA cards. Bastards.
Last night I was driven to buy junk food. This started on Friday evening at a lovely picnic organized by the good Dr. J at Third Beach. BKKB were there, and that’s where all the false promises and trouble started. They came, one plopped down declaiming that it was hot, and to pass him the wine before he expired, the other went splish-splashing in the ocean and came back saying how bracingly refreshing the swim was. The other looked askance at him, before reaching for the second bottle of wine.
There were nibbles, drinking and genteel polite conversation. The sun set, the bikes were collected, the lights turned on and most left except for BKKB and me, and I was held fast by KB on one side, and BK on the other. The one said that he wanted to know all my intimate secrets, and the other invited me to an elegant dinner which DWE and ML were to attend as well in order to entertain me. I have high standards.
I spilt no intimate secrets. I can’t say the same about the one who asked me to speak. I have no domestic secrets worth knowing anyway. I also accepted the other’s invitation for dinner on Sunday with alacrity.
Then Sunday arrived, and I was blown hither and thither in my quest to run errands, cook the week’s meals, run to reduce my anxieties, pick up a bike rack which Dr. J had been hounding me to pick up, make arrangements with
But the one thing missing from the day was confirmation of the dinner on Sunday. All, however, was made clear when I received this text message, then the following conversation took place. I record it here with subtext in red because future historians will find it most illuminating when they plunder my life for interesting details to personalize accounts of my exploits to make me seem like a real person and therefore sell books by the millions, of which I shall receive no royalties. This, dear reader, is the way of the world. It is sad isn’t it?
BK: Hello. Not having dinner tonight. My tentative invite is fully retracted. I'm sure you will not [be] crushed Aug 19 5:40 pm
Me: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Aug 19 5:41 pm
A sure sign of distress when I can’t breathe and am disappointed beyond belief
It's okay. Mangoes are tough and fibrous Aug 19 5:41 pm
I try being stoic – see Dr. C, I can be stoic too even if I’m not very philosophical in nature
BK: Reading about joo kim tiah of holborn. Ever heard of him?Aug 19 9:41 pm
ignoring my distress and stoicism
Me: Jooking we used to call him. He hated the nickname Aug 19 9:43 pm
attempting levity to reduce the pathos of the retraction – after all if we don’t laugh, we can only cry
BK: He went to oral roberts university. Very christian?Aug 19 9:46 pm
Taking me seriously and wanting to know about Mr. Joo, who I have never met nor have any knowledge of. I should have sent him to CA for further clarification, for all we know, CA may have dirt on this Mr. Joo
Me:Was all a farce. To get in with the white boys and their boardroom Aug 19 9:46 pm
And you realise of course that I have no idea who he is.... Aug 19 9:47 pm
Me owning up. I’m so honest which is really quite in keeping with my naturally gentle, kind and trusting nature, even if not very philosophical – but I am stoic.
BK: Oh, prominent KL family sent their son here to practice being ceo of empire. Vancouver is mini-golf for themAug 19 9:48 pm
Still taking me seriously (roll eye)
Me: Ok. Yeah I can't say I know of them. Don't forget I come from peasant stock and worse am from East Malaysia, known to KL as the boondocks Aug 19 9:50 pm
I may be of peasant stock, but have made good, just trying to point this contrast out in case future historians miss it
Me: What is your favorite chocolate? Aug 19 9:50 pm
I valiantly try to change the subject from Mr. Joo to matters of more pressing importance since I was in Shoppers Drug Mart
BK: I like the spicy mexican chili kind Aug 19 9:52 pm
He would. I bet the SOCK does too
BK: Why? Aug 19 9:52 pm
He’s curious. Is this good? I’m not sure.
Me: In Shoppers stunned by the choice and trying to figure out matrix of price, quality and soul comfort quotient. Aug 19 9:53 pm
Good explanation eh? Eh? Eh?
Me: Maybe I'll buy soap instead Aug 19 9:54 pm
It’s a difficult choice to make you know
Me: Clean body close to God and so content soul. Aug 19 9:54 pm
I explain my reasoning for switching from chocolate to soap. See, it all makes sense
BK: Even trickier. You and my bf are soul mates Aug 19 9:54 pm
An apparent non sequitor
BK: [KB] agonizes over chocolate choice Aug 19 9:54 pm
Now it makes sense, except that I’m sure I suffer more from my agony then KB who can (and probably does) head to the wine bottle showing that he too is soul mates with the SOCK, at least in matters of alcohol if not in matters of meteorological accuracy, but that’s another story for another day.
Me: It used to be so easy in Malaysia. Cadbury's or crappy local stuff. Aug 19 9:56 pm
I try to explain the reason for my agony which is true because choice is tyranny although surprisingly there is really never any choice in tyranny applied
BK: You've had time to adapt and learn, mon cher. Deal with it. Range-toi avec cela. Aug 19 9:59 pm
He shows no sympathy even though invitations have been retracted, and I’ve been driven to buy junk food. The ‘mon cher’ is obviously sarcastic
Me: Alors qu'en pense - toi? Bridge Mixture ou Mangoustan mangue au chocolat noir? Aug 19 10:02 pm
I ask seriously for an opinion
BK: Jaime pas chocolate + fruit.Aug 19 10:03 pm
He replies tersely with little regard for proper punctuation in French grammar and even less regard for my enquiry, always thinking of himself. Well, I should be used to it I suppose given the cavalier way in which he retracted invitations of elegant and delicious dinners with frolicking entertainment from DWE and ML
Me: Feck. Sense and sensibility win again. He [that is to say, me] goes for all bran bars. This is why I'm single. Too practical. Aug 19 10:04 pm
I am practical, and bran is fitting given that KB calls me a jucy if fibrous mango
BK:Practical is very sexy. Almost as hot as punctual Aug 19 10:05 pm
He almost redeems himself
Me: You are such a scientist! I love it. Aug 19 10:06 pm
I show my empathetic nature
Me: Oh Shit. Golden oreos are on sale. 1.99 maximum of 4 per person. Aug 19 10:08 pm
I’m distracted by cheap junk food on sale
BK: Yuck, worse than girlguide cookies. With yellow biscuits? I am shocked Aug 19 10:09 pm
he becomes censorious
Me: Don't be I'm holding my all bran bars up in the shape of a crossAug 19 10:10 pm
I show off my good humour, the clown smiling to hide the tears rolling down behind the happy face
Me: Hmmmm. I must cut and paste this conversation into a blog post. Future historians studying my life will be fascinated. Aug 19 10:11 pm
The idea for this post is born
BK:Or at least mildly amused. With they get the subtext?Aug 19 10:12 pm
I cancelled a dinner invite so you text me from a drug store where you are buying stale binge foods to make us feel guiltyAug 19 10:14 pm
He provides the subtext, thank you, but not so much thanks for the opinion of future historians’ reaction to this
Co-authors Hungry Ghost and BK, or should that be BK and Hungry Ghost. I’ll let the SOCK deal with this conundrum. He has (much to his chagrin) some experience in this, or will soon unless the sword of Damocles comes scything through the heads of the certain people.